It is time to look at my goals - and no, I didn't come up with that idea by myself. No, as I'm talking to my dad for the 80th time about business and things going wrong he asks me if I have looked at my goals recently, and the answer is no. I mean technically no.
They exist, they hang behind me - poking at me and nagging at me to make sure that I am on track. But alas, I am not on track. I'm very off track. I've actually decided that I'm just going to build new track right here. Bright and shiny and new.
So as I listen to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata I blog my very personal blog about my life because personal and business is not so seperate and I enjoy sharing me, because this is me. Designer, Entrepreneur, Heart on my Sleeve - me.
Since May, there has been drama every single month since then. It's September and I think I have found the last shattered piece of my heart and have used the last drop of super glue to put it all back together.
You see, I'm a planner. A perfectionist. Everything has to be just so. I don't do spontaneous. The last spontaneous thing I did was taking off to LA for a little down time. I drove with friends half the night to LA, spent the day at the beach, the night at a club and the next day packing and heading to LAX while on the phone with my dad booking me a flight - get me the heck out of LA and back to Phoenix. Thank goodness too - I was so busy with work that it was not the right time for me to leave. Work is my life, and although I try to step out of my comfort zone, this is where I am comfortable. Home with my only dog, computer and Hulu.
And lets not forget the death of my faithful friend, then the moving in to my dream place away from my sister and 3 year old nephew. The toxic relationship that only lasted as long as it did because he tried to save my dog only to make me feel awful about myself and trapped. Yes, I was the girl who sat at home waiting because we had made plans and he never showed up. I was the girl waiting by the phone when he said he'd call and never did. And lets not forget the moment I found his online dating profile but there were "no other girls". Yes, I was THAT girl.
All the while trying to keep it together, keep myself together and more and more stuff piling on. The loss of friends who stabbed me in the back over business. Time for another round of friend changes because that is the way life goes, as you grow some grow with you and some grow apart. More and more loss I have experienced.
Then my rental property was all of a sudden vacated early and I had to spend the last 2 weeks putting it back together and getting it rented again so I don't have to figure out to pay a mortgage payment on top of my bills.
All the while I have a company, that is growing like wildflowers in the sun and I think that it is beautiful and wonderful and I want to make everyone happy and give them everything that they want but I've had to steal away moments to myself. I have forced myself to make time for the rescue dog Mindy because she's had a harder life than most and it's not fair to complain about my petty problems. She actually brought my soul back to life, she's so silly and fun it's hard not to laugh.
So anyone that says "it's just business" is wrong or I'm wrong? Or I've just built a business on compassion where I feel my clients pain or frustration and take it on as my own and try and fix it. I don't let my clients know what's going on in my life, I don't apologize I just fix it, find a solution and move on. But maybe I should? It's been a hard few months, and I haven't cried, or been angry I've just pushed it aside and kept going. But the last 2 weeks have been tough. Having to re-prove myself to people, step up my game even more and get on top of it.
My new plan. This weekend I look at my goals and get on my new bright and shiny track and start going again. Taking a breath and getting it all done. I'm a fighter and always will be, but it's back to basics and re-analyzing my strategy. After all, that's what I'm good at - strategy, like really good at it.
Much Love and To success,
Angelina
NThreeQ Media, LLC
Arizona Graphic Design
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